The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
one might say we're banned from that church
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
