yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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