dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
