You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
