Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
