Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
