you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
