I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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