Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
