I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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