it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
