Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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