I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
