she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
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