dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
