i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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