did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
