No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
