Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
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