He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
