So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
