This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
