I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
