We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
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