This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
