I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
