i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
