Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Sorry my hands just texted you
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
