You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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