can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize