He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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