im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
