Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
