My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
