i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
handjob tips. give me some.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
