Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
