Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
