am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
