I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Randomize
