I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
