You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
