she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
