Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
