I am puke
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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