you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
if only i could text you this smell
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
