I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
