so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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