the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
