I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
that may or may not have been my penis.
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