and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Last time i carry you out of a forest
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
