i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
