you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.