Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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