Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize