I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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