I'm lost and stupid without you.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
