I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I'm at about main and main street
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
