I accidentally burped into my bong.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
third nipple confirmed
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
