Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
If I die, sorry about rent.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
