my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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