Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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