I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
A bitchslap is in order.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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