Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
