I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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