And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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