I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
