I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
