is wine microwaveable?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
