Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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