if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
