If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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