I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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