are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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