He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
