Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
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you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
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he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Good news!! I can adult!! π turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ππ
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