update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
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