I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
