Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I looked at my own cervix.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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