Need sex. Gaining weight.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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