Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
