So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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