Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
we should paint friendship bongs
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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