Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
The adults are the big ones right?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
