it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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