what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
