I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
