but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
