What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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