We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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