apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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