don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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