HIV tests are more positive than that guy
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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