that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
